Behold the great news

ONe week ago

 

"I think it's a plus."

"What's a plus?"

"The pregnancy strip."

Song runs in to the bathroom shouting see, see, see. She really wants to see what all the fuss is about. Why does mommy sound excited and slightly shy/shocked all at once.

Youme walks in to the kitchen to show Edith to get a confirmation. 

Sitting in a chair at the kitchen table, I burrow down in to myself and wonder could it really be? How, what, why? It's all happening again.

I feel:

terrified, excited, worried, timid, happy, joyful, sorrowful… All at once, all in a huge torrent that washes over my soul. Then the subconscious questions begin.

How are we doing so far? Do we deserve to be parents again? Will this pregnancy be like the last? Are we tempting fate by asking for another child? Do we have the resources: emotionally, physically, and financially to support another child in our lives? 

What about the move? What kind of apartment will we find? What should we focus on as far as criteria for this apartment? How has this search criteria changed now that we are pregnant? Are there any special needs that I'm forgetting from the last pregnancy? So many questions and my subconscious keeps firing away without giving me time to find answers.

Song is so beautiful. A wonderful mix of the best parts of Youme and myself: perhaps the best mix of our genetic materials. She's a hard worker, a fast learner, a wonderful child. We've raised a smart wonderful child so far, there's absolutely no reason why we can't do the same with this next one.

 

One week later

It's been one week since I learned about the miracle taking place in our lives. For one week I've held on to the knowledge that we are going to have another child in our lives in less than a year from now. I want to shout my joy from the roof tops, but I also know that we are still in the early stages of the pregnancy. Anything could happen at this point. This knowledge tempers my joy a bit and subdues my excitement. I feel deep down that we are extremely lucky to have had Song be born healthy and without complications. I hope with all my heart that this pregnancy will also go well and without complications.

As the week goes by, the packing continues. The material items that give us concrete foundation are one by one packed in to boxes. A few days and boxes later, we are more or less ready for the next part of our journey. We have one week from today to make sure that everything is ready to go. One week until we fly to San Francisco to start looking for our next home.

When I mention flying to Song, she says "No no."

Does this mean that she doesn't want to go? Is she worried about flying for another reason? We have a long journey ahead of us.

A part of me still wonders whether we are really doing this. I feel like somehow this is all a part of a dream, but I suppose that's the whole point. Ever sinceI was little, I've dreamt of living in California. When people ask me why I want to live in California, the first thing that comes to mind is this lifelong dream. When I dig deeper for a more concrete answer, I am unable to find one. I guess the truth of the matter is that California is a dream, an idealistic hope for something better. A positive step toward my perception of progress and change. Is this the right step for our family? I really don't know, but I hope the answer is a resounding yes. I'm holding on to a dream to create our future. I have personal experience in dreams coming true.