Motivate me

Apprehension

And yet another day has come without me waking up at 4:00 AM for a trip to the gym. This week has been somewhat tiring and stressful without a lot of tangible reasons. I've been meaning/wanting to go to the gym daily, however finding the motivation to get up promptly each morning has been more difficult this week compared to previous weeks. If I take a moment to ponder, I am reminded of the many goals that need to be met in the next two months. This leads me immediately down a path of apprehension and feelings of inadequacy start to arise. I'm not sure where these feelings of insecurity stem from, however I know that I need to get over them and push myself to succeed in order for my family to maintain a sense of sanity through the next few weeks. Perhaps my sense of depression comes from a lack of physical activity, or perhaps I'm not getting enough sleep. In either case, as with all things, excuses and negativity come all too easily. That vicious circle continues without end unless one decides to step off the path and take a different direction.

Situational awareness reminds me that convention season has come around once again. In a week and a half, Youme will be driving the family up to Orlando for the 2013 NFB National Convention. In past years, I've found myself looking forward to the hustle and bustle of air travel, however it made more sense to try making the trip by car since the rising price of air fare would have made the trip cost prohibitive for the entire family to attend. While this time of year tends to be full of excitement, this year seems to bring a sense of antisocial loathing. I know these feelings will change since I believe myself to be a situational extravert. 

After the excitement of attending the National Convention, we will be returning to South Miami for a few weeks before Moving to North Hampton. Yet again, we will try to move the family to a new location in hopes of receiving the benefits of close proximity friendships, increased living space, cleaner air, etc. Managing the logistics of the move seems to be getting more difficult with each attempt. I'm still working on getting over our housing search during an effort to move out to the west coast. The addition of baby Tao to the family has brought hours of endless joy and logistical challenges to daily life. Youme, Song, and I are still getting used to having a new baby in the house. It's hard to believe that Tao turns three months today. And of course, time keeps marching on.

Before making our trip to Florence/North Hampton, we will be making a trip to Boston for a family gathering to celebrate Milton, who turned one-hundred this past November. Each precious moment we are able to spend with him creates lasting memories for the whole family. I'm happy to be able to introduce him to baby Tao in July. Although they've met by video chat, an in-person introduction will cement the experience for the both of them.

Preparing the house for the next portion of the journey seems to be the next daunting task that I know will be surmountable as soon as I set foot on the property. Although I dread the thought of a cold wet winter, deep down, I look forward to sharing it with family and friends. I haven't met a child yet who doesn't enjoy playing in snow. Hopefully Song and Tao will both appreciate the beauty and wonder that mother nature has created despite the cold.

Anxiety over financial security seems to always be at the foreground of my thoughts. Perhaps this tells more about my insecurities regarding my ability to move upward in my career. This is something definitely worth a deeper ponder in a future post. Sadness is a feeling that I've come to both loath and cling fast to, a melancholy security blanket. I know all of the things I've written about above will be points of excitement as each one draws closer, however my brain tends to play tricks on me by creating a sense of insurmountability. Hope is another feeling that I find in dreaming moments as well as in wakeful quiet meditation. I know that hope will win out in the end and the resilient me will return once again.